Anger is a hard wired emotion in our brain and is part of the fight or flight basic response to potential threat. It’s a signal experienced as emotional energy in the body that lets us know something is not right. It creates a boundary between us and the perceived threat. This threat can be anything from being hurt, violated, or our needs not being met, real or unreal.
We all experience anger to varying degrees. How we express it is a learned program from our ancestors. Our beliefs about anger are developed from how anger was expressed around us growing up about what was safe and acceptable in our family. Over time, a particular emotional pattern of expression develops that goes into our implicit memory. We don’t think about getting angry or holding on to our anger, it often happens automatically according to our emotional pattern.
When anger is triggered and rises within us from our unconsciously stored memory, it can lead to negative and destructive thoughts, feelings and actions: Blocks our ability to experience love; Stops us from seeing things clearly; Distorts our perception of ourselves, others and the world around us. Understandably, most of us feel uncomfortable around anger.
Anger can be over-expressed where the person experiencing it feels out of control, or it can be suppressed and at times even out of the person’s awareness. Recognizing your pattern of anger can be very useful knowledge for managing it in an effective way to help in your growth.
Out of Control Anger
Anger that is out of control can be potentially harmful and dangerous. The basic lower functioning brain becomes active and you cannot talk yourself out of being angry since it’s a physiological reaction to a learned pattern.
When you cannot manage your own anger it pushes people around you away as they don’t feel safe in your presence. If your anger is unpredictable, your loved ones may feel uneasy even when you are not angry.
In this case, anger is like a bodyguard, not only keeping others away but also keeping the inner vulnerable feelings of fear, sadness, grief away too for fear of being overwhelmed by emotions. This stops the natural flow of energy that may cause physical illness, depression, stress and anxiety.
Suppressed Anger
If you hold a belief that anger is equal to violence or that anger is ugly, you may be suppressing your anger and not being fully aware of your inner process. Often these beliefs are coupled with fear, so the fear of anger stops you from expressing your anger.
When anger is suppressed, it creates a wall of resentment around your heart, stopping the flow of energy. Suppressed emotions create depression, anxiety, lack of motivation as well as many physical ailments. Suppressed anger stops you from experiencing feelings of love, joy, excitement and peace.
When anger is suppressed, it can also build up over a period of time and erupt, even over something seemingly insignificant. This may cause you to express what you attempt to avoid, leaving you feeling guilty over your angry outbursts.
Anger does not need to be violent in words thoughts or actions when it has been processed. On the surface, there appears to be only two choices regarding anger – either to express it or to suppress it. Either choice is very unhealthy for you and for the people around you.
There is a third and healthier choice to communicate your anger in safe and empowering way for you and your family.
Befriend your anger – notice where you feel it in your body. If you could express it what do you imagine would happen? Who are you angry with? Is it you? Another person? The world? God? Is it anger from the present or is it from the past?
a)Accept what is the truth of the situation without judgement of yourself or others.
b)Let go of negative attachments and shift gears to a more positive and resourceful resolution.
c)Take corrective action that honours you and other person.
Anger as a Gift: Benefits of the corrective response of anger
When expressing anger appropriately, you are in charge of your emotions and it will empower you and the people around you in a way that is safe and respectful.
When you work through your anger, you are more able to open yourself to your inner resources.
You may not have control when and how you experience anger, but you can have control over how you express your anger. You can choose to harness and channel the angry energy in healthy positive and constructive ways.
It can provide greater focus and intensity and lead to greater productivity.
Anger expressed appropriately is a powerful resource of motivation available to you.