Grief as a Doorway to Love

“The grief within me has its own heartbeat. It has its own life, its own song. Part of me wants to resist the rhythms of my grief, yet as I surrender to the song, I learn to listen deep within myself” ~ Alan Wolfelt

In life we are constantly challenged to let go of people, places, things and situations. Often, we think of grief related to losing someone through death, however grief comes in many disguises and forms. We experience grief each time we let go of something or someone we are attached to that brings meaning into our lives.
 
We feel the loss of any changes in our lives. Even positive changes through our own choices cause us to feel sadness because we are letting go of the familiar: loss of childhood as we grow up; loss of structure when leaving high school; loss of relationship when we experience a romantic break-up; loss of dependence when moving out of parents’ home; loss of freedom when becoming a parent; loss felt after an abortion, loss of friendships as one moves from one stage of life to the next; loss of youth; loss of family life when children leave home; loss of health; loss of independence; loss of dreams that will never be realized.

These are just a few of the situations that cause us to feel loss. The corrective emotional response to loss is grief. It’s a challenge for most of us when it comes to letting go of loss. There can be resistance as letting go of the familiar, even if unpleasant, creates a momentary transition into the unknown. This fear causes people to stay stuck in the pain of grief that in turn creates more pain.

Grief can be such a painful experience for most of us that we avoid it at all costs. When we feel the sadness well up inside we suppress it rather than feel the grief for the loss. The suppressed feelings often take the form of depression, anxiety and anger. We feel uneasy and stressed with life and often use obsessions and distractions to distance ourselves from our pain – and indeed from others. The obsessions and distractions in themselves cause more pain than if we were to choose to face our sadness.

Resistance to grief creates a wall around the heart and stops the flow of love. It blocks the energy and creativity from our life. We become disconnected and stuck, feeling alone and helpless with our pain. What is misunderstood is that letting go of loss actually means moving away from the pain and towards a more fulfilled life.

As we open up our heart to feel the grief and sadness and allow the stagnant energy to flow, we experience a stream of love flow as well. Opening our heart to the flow of love requires of us to surrender, experience and release the very pain we have stored behind the heart wall.

We must first recognize our sadness, acknowledge it and grieve our loss to be able to release it from our body/mind system. That way, we can transform it and integrate it into our lives.

The grieving process melts away the wall and softens the heart to more love to flow through your life. Tears release and heal the wound of the stuck energy in the body that creates a shift in perception.

Letting go of grief is a choice you make. You have to be able to tolerate the pain and consciously invite compassion into your heart.

• Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
• Notice when you distract yourself and what you are avoiding.
• Sit in a quiet place and allow the emergence of feelings and thoughts to surface naturally.
• Allow the tears to move through you whilst holding compassion for yourself.

You may wish to do this with a trusted friend that can support you through your process.

For a more in depth process go to ‘7 Steps to Inner Connection’