Love Relationships: How our expectations can destroy our happinessRelationships can be both painful and fulfilling. We all want to be loved, nurtured and cared for. The most rewarding feeling is the connection we make when we bond deeply with the love of our life. The longer we are in a relationship,
we discover more differences surface and the connection we once experienced fluctuates.Without realizing, we set ourselves up for failure when we place expectations on ourselves, others and situations. The more attached we are to expectations the more pain we experience. Tension, stress and conflict is inevitable when our expectations are not met in the way we hope. The very pain we want to avoid becomes our experience.
We can become disillusioned and blame our partner for not being the person we thought would fulfill all our dreams, needs and wants. We may even doubt our own judgment about the choices we’ve made. Blame and criticism increases in the hope to change our partner and create a happier life together. Our heart is broken, we try many things but nothing works, we feel we a living on a roller coaster and we never know when our relationship will take the next dip.
When disconnection occurs more frequently we notice we argue about the same things too. When we reflect on our relationship we see a pattern developing – a negative cycle emerges. We may find the more we discuss the issues the more we argue and nothing is resolved.
We become disappointed.
Expectations drive control, blame and judgment that can create a wall between you and your partner. You may not see your partner as having the same needs, wants and desires as you. Nor as someone with flaws, just like you. Expectations cause conflict, chaos, confusion, pain and suffering for both.
What to do?
When you surrender and let go of your expectations, the blame, judgment and control will also diminish. This is the first step to moving forward as it creates a space within you for new developments to take place. Experiment with surrendering one small expectation for better success.
The second step is to shift your focus towards acceptance of yourself first, and your partner and view the situation as it is, with the intent to learn from it and face your reality. Change happens when you choose to see your partner as he or she really is and accept them with all their faults. Acceptance is facing reality, as it may not be as you expect. When you can tolerate the adjustment phase it is worthwhile and rewarding as you step more into clarity, understanding and inner wisdom.
Thirst step is to move into forgiveness for yourself and then your partner, the wall drops away, the doorway of your heart opens to compassion, and love will flow through you. Saying sorry after a conflict acts as a bridge between you and your partner. You are saying sorry for the part you played in the conflict and any pain you may have caused.
The realisation that you hold the key within you that can change the course of your relationship and your life is the most empowering discovery you will make. It means that you are no longer expecting your partner or any situation outside of you to make you happy. You have the power in each moment to choose how you want to feel, what you want to think and what you want to do. The key to happiness is whithin you.
Your life will be an adventurous journey of learning and growing together, you will experience your life in a new way. Every situation and every conflict is an opportunity for growth when your intention is to learn. (Refer or subscribe to 7 steps to inner connection for the process).
When both of you in a relationship work towards your own individual growth, the growth of the relationship, the fulfillment and happiness you seek is within your grasp. The right amount effort, coupled with the right intention and commitment is required for the attainment of your heart’s desire.
To create and maintain a LOVE RELATIONSHIP here are some suggestions:
L earn from your pain as it teaches you about yourself. Take responsibility for your feelings without
expecting others to adapt to you.
O pen your heart to allow the energy of unconditional love to flow through you.
V alue yourself and your partner in all that you think, say and do.
E njoy every moment of your life as this is the key to your happiness.
R espect yourself and your partner in all your interactions.
E mpower yourself by shifting the focus to learn from your reactions and take charge of your life.
L ove is the ingredient that connects head to head and heart to heart.
A ccept all that is occurring in the moment and face the reality of what is.
T rust your choices as you grow in confidence – the antidote to doubt.
I ntimacy happens when you communicate your deep feeling and thoughts.
O fferings sprinkled by words and deeds for your partner makes the heart grow fonder.
N egotiate while keeping your heart open and listen to the needs and desires of your partner—
acknowledge and validate him or her. State your opinion after you consider the other side.
S urrender your expectations, resistance and defenses for love to flow through you.
H ope is having faith that all will manifest in perfect order for you.
I ntegrity creates a stable foundation for the structure of a long lasting sustainable healthy relationship.
P raise your partner often as you hold in gratitude what you value in her or him as this ignites your love,
joy and happiness.
